Disturbing reports of leading physicists and astronomical leaders being strongarmed into silence by governmental jackboots run rampant.
As many of you know, leaders in academia are members of the vaunted "truthseekers," even anonymously contributing articles of shining truth (such as last year's stellar pieces Math, What is it Good For? and The Return to the Truth: the Geocentric Model). However, recent reports reveal that entire departments of leading universities, theoretical physicists, and astronomers have sent in disturbing reports that their government funding has been cut, their security clearances revoked, and even their entire data, work, and models seized by governmental agencies made of various acronyms.
Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali:
“After pouring over data from scientific instruments, I detected a strange gravitational wobble in our upper atmosphere. It could be a sign of an extrasolar event, or something that is imperceptible outside our visual wavelengths. After I Snapchatted my results of a secret government project, members from the NSA appeared, seizing my hard drives, data, and even my nearly perfect Super Mario Brothers 3 save state. Take what you will from that.
Clearly something fishy is being covered up in the ole "U S of A." But what? Could this simply be the instance of a single, rogue, genius astronomer's work being covered up for one reason of another? Of course, but then ole Ace contacted an old friend of his: Nobel laureate theoretical physicist:
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
“Recent review of intense string theory analysis shows an overwhelming probability that extraterrestrial life exists. Moreover, this life will visit Earth in our lifetime. I've been giving the matter some thought, and I think I'd be willing to be a house pet to a race of superintelligent aliens.”
Immediately following the quote, the video feed was cut off and intense screaming was heard. Dr. Cooper has not been heard from since. Where is he? Why has this leading mind of our generation been silenced? Has the probability estimated by Dr. Cooper come true? Did we discover a gravitational wobble, or have we found "aliens" in our own atmosphere, waiting and watching us to determine if we would make adequate pets? Stay tuned, truthseekers, as more breaking news is to come.
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